A Personal Story: Teacher to Funeral Celebrant to LGBT Death Cafe…

I turned 60 in January and I’m about to set off on a new career as an Independent Funeral Celebrant, having left teaching behind me at the end of last academic year. Retiring coincided with converting our civil partnership into marriage… a great excuse for a party!

I first became interested in becoming a funeral celebrant after the amazing send-off we gave my mother, in 2004. She is buried in Seven Penny Meadow in Medomsley, in a cardboard coffin; covered in messages from family and friends. The Humanist celebrant who conducted the service was very supportive and the process very healing for all the family. I felt that I would like to do the same for others as he did for us and kept the idea on the back burner until this year.

I have spent 34 years in Education, originally as a Further Education lecturer, Prison Education Manager and latterly in a Pupil Referral Unit teaching KS4 pupils, excluded from school because of their behaviour. I have always promoted equality and diversity: at one point having the grand title of Senior Lecturer: Equal Opportunities – Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator! In the days of Clause 28 and Section 28 I was actively involved in the successful campaign to include sexual orientation in the Equal Opportunities Policies of the three colleges in Bradford Authority. It seems like a natural progression to work with the LGBT community here in the north east, supporting people through one of the most difficult times any one of us ever has to face. A bit of informal research has confirmed my belief that for many of us the uncertainty of acceptance and fear of being faced with homophobia or transphobia creates additional pressure when planning a funeral. Hopefully, having a lesbian celebrant will take some of that pressure away.

I chose to train as an independent celebrant, with The Fellowship of Professional Celebrants, because it is not linked to any doctrine. That means I can tailor services entirely to the needs of those arranging the funeral. Religious services are fine for those with religious beliefs but there are alternatives, though even Humanists have to talk about Humanism! All I have to do is to talk about the person the tribute is for, sharing memories of them collected from those closest to them. I think this is much more healing for the mourners who I’d encourage to take an active part in the arrangements and in the service if they feel able to.  We all feel better when we are doing something!

I’m just getting established and don’t want to turn this into a full time career. I have no plans to tout myself round lots of Funeral Directors.  I want to enjoy my retirement from teaching while continuing to do something I consider to be worthwhile, so I will be offering my services to the LGBT community.

I’m now on Facebook as Jean Ford Celebrant and I hope to organise a LGBT Death Café in the not too distant future.  Death is such a taboo subject in our society yet it comes to us all!  I like the idea of discussing the implications of death for the LGBT community over tea and cake… Death Cafes are becoming trendy so I don’t see why we can’t customise the idea for the LGBT community here in the north east! Watch this space…