LGBT History Month Event hosted by The LGBT Fed
In February The LGBT Fed held an event for people of all faiths and none, to meet and discuss spirituality; ‘an evening of free public debate and discussion on Religion, Belief and Philosophy’ to be precise. Five speakers from organised religions were willing to offer their brief thoughts on the subject one evening during LGBT History Month and discussion groups and snacks would follow their thoughts. The intentions being to hold a respectful and open discussion; to learn more about a wide variety of views, thoughts and feelings; to hear about peoples experiences and solutions to problems; all in an atmosphere of acceptance tolerance and dare I say communion.
For some this was and is a hot topic.
It seems some of the invited speakers had more pressing things to attend to and at the last minute couldn’t attend. This was unfortunate as it changed the flavor of the evening, however it meant that we were able to spend more time talking with each other which was lovely, and dare I say possibly better? Our ‘lone voice’ was Rev Cecilia Eggleston from Northern Lights MCC. Not one to crumble in the light of a challenge, she gave us some of her thoughts about spirituality, organized religion, and a compassionate god, but mostly about a loving approach to all peoples. Stop laughing. I know it’s not what you usually hear. But we did, we had a religious leader (female as it refreshingly happened) who was more interested and concerned about whether I felt cared for and loved in my life, than whether I believe the same as her. Cecilia spoke about her interest in people i.e. “who are you?” and “are you ok”, rather than “what do you believe?” A cool drink in this dry land of oppression.
Cecilia gave the view that perhaps an immense god can decide for him/her self whether you and I were good enough, on the right side, in or out, etc. and doesn’t really need our help to make that judgment thank you (I précis). Good point I think. I for one wouldn’t want to presume to know as much as, or better than, an all-seeing omnipotent originator of life, whatever shape he/she/it takes. I know better than to take on more than I can chew, so to speak.
One of the key things I heard people say during the evening was how important one person can be, the importance of individuals, individual people, and the impact one person can have on the whole of another person’s life. In discussions, I heard people comment that any religion or belief or dogma only has an influence if one person makes it so, and more importantly, that the person can make it a positive or negative influence on others. Basically, that what you as an individual say matters, how you treat people matters, what you believe about the other person matters. During the discussion groups we shared some stories of hard and hurtful times at the hands of individuals from many ‘religions’, and I heard that some of us are yet to heal from those experiences. The pain for some people was palpable to the rest of us, and tears were shed. Some people talked of having walked away from strongly held spiritual beliefs, giving up what they considered a life long core part of themselves, serious and long term commitments, unable to continue in the organized religious groups they held so dear. Some of us have yet to find a spiritual home.
Whatever you think of religion in any of its various forms, many of us have a wish to be part of something existentially bigger than ourselves. I heard some people (and it was the majority but not all) have had dreadful and life changing experiences. Some of us have had doors slammed in our faces – literally, some have been accused of evil influences on others, some that we need to change our sexuality (or at the least not practice it) to stay belonging. Because of our honesty about our innate and unchangeable sexuality, we have suffered. ‘Honesty’, isn’t that core to all religious and spiritual teaching? During the evening we were a bit short of people voicing broader spiritual approaches, rather than religious thinking (mainstream organized), but perhaps another time….
Personally, I’m with the rainbow, I want all the colours, all the tones and all the interpretative varieties, oh and a pot of gold at the end too if there is one.
Some of us have been subject to fundamentalism in one form or another, and in brutal ways, and took a few minutes to tell us about some of those experiences. The evening took me back to the time I was called ‘possessed’. So not just wrong, not just bad, not just the sugar coated ‘sinful’, not even just in need of some kind of ‘redemption’… But actually on the Other Side. The evil, bad, degenerate, malevolent, inherently embodying or associated with the forces of, wickedness. Heavy. I’d forgotten just how flattening the weight of all that is, how damaging to a sense of wellbeing, and of fundamental worth. This still happens.
In general the evening’s discussions were positive and supportive, and people were clear about the hurt that they had experienced and the path beyond that hurt. Clear that ‘the religious group’ of whatever flavour (or colour) was not the main problem. It’s the people, the individuals, their individual misuse of power, the focusing on private intimacy between consenting couples (sex), the selective choosing of texts to the ignorance of others, the creation of dogma. Thankfully we also had solutions as part of our experience. We all knew one person who didn’t condemn or exclude but who ‘got to know the individual’, ‘cared about who and how they were’, and ‘acknowledged that their god being so powerful and massive will therefore be more than able to see and decide a persons religious credibility for him/herself.’
Some of us touched on the positives, and the liberties LGBT people now have in most of Britain. I.e. to be in a civil partnership, to be married, to have joint house tenancies, to be legally (if not always automatically) consulted about a partner’s illness or death, etc.. Reminding ourselves of how change has come about, even in our own lifetime. About the results of battles our elders have fought (lets not forget that folks) so we can walk down the street hand in hand if we want to (do we do that often enough?), so we can book a hotel room as a couple, so we have rights even if we come across discrimination. Religious groups may have a long way to go, but the secular have taken ages, literally, to get to the point we’re at now, I think maybe we can be a little patient as some groups catch up?
It’s a tricky one, religion. Like politics I take the view never to discuss it late in the evening or after alcoholic beverage has been imbibed, as this hot potato inevitably raises strong emotions and often upsetting experiences. But, it was refreshing to spend an evening talking about our spirituality, beliefs, philosophies, and religions, with LGBT friends. I hazard a guess it’s not something many of us have discussed at length very often, perhaps due to a tendency towards political and practical immediacies. It was completely invigorating to be able to link two parts of my life, sexuality and spirituality, not diametrically opposed after all.
And later, driving home I heard Susan Calman on the radio. It seems there are lesbians everywhere, visible in every sphere of life, in major religious groups, in professions, in the headlines and the corners of society. It’s good to know, and excellent news that some of us manage to maintain a positive outlook on life, despite, rather than because of our experiences.
So mote it be.
Ruby
Quotes from the evening:
“I remember how scared I was and how hard it was to come out to my religious parents. the stakes were high. I had to be very very sure. There would be no going back. There would be no family.”
“I remember being told I was demon possessed, and believing them.”
“I remember people I knew and loved, close friends, walking round me on the street, crossing the road, not answering even ‘hello’.”
“I remember not wanting to say nothing to anyone about my girlfriend. I knew some people wouldn’t like me. I knew it would be the end of our friendship, I didn’t want that so I was careful what I said. I was right.”
“I remember someone asking me if I was gay. I was terrified. I didn’t think I was going to get out of the room without being hurt. I didn’t tell them, but they presumed which was just as bad.”
”I remember not telling anyone. I was always alone. I wanted to be part of the church group more than I wanted a partner. I regret that now”.
“I remember the day I found a vicar who said it was ok that I was gay. It was such a relief I cried for days. I can have both parts of my life, my beliefs in a kind god and my sexuality.”
For anyone interested our speaker was : Rev. Cecilia Eggleston Northern Lights Metropolitan Community Church. http://mccchurch.org
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